Rebuilding Modern Man
Dia De Los Muertos Hollywood, California
October 27th, 2012-Be there to celebrate the lives of those who have now passed on
Am I meant to be alone? How I find sanctuary in solitude. I revel in the opportunity to take in my own breath and exhale in the company of unknown others. I do believe that something inside me is evolving. I idealize blazing my own path, my future. I imagine myself tucked away in a cold damp 1000+ square foot loft in downtown Los Angeles. Who needs that much room to themselves? I get to wear my conduit cut suits and drink carelessly. The pieces of motorbike splayed out in patchwork fashion(only I know what it will look like). When I make a mistake I have no one to admit fault to, to apologize to. I glance at myself as I walk past the mirror on the wall. I’ve still got it. Because I say so. I don’t need assurance, but its nice when I get a flirt from the random LA weekender that strolls into the bar I’ve made my own over the last year, the one with red leather button-down bar stools and cocktail menus written on the backs of cereal box cardboard sheets. They know my order. They also know my choice of liquors. The barmaid I had a one-night stand with, we’ve become friends and she looks out for my “type”, she thinks I need help. Funny the order of things. Fuck then friends. Thats how I make the majority of my female companions. I don’t mind it.
I enjoy being alone, its true. But the quietness of my quarters often clouds the clarity of my thoughts. Often times I’m left to question whether or not I should be so quiet and it distracts me. I’m not a hermit. I am a very affectionate person. It seems very counter-intuitive to live a life of complete muteness. I look for compromise in my friends/companions. Maybe I haven’t found the right ones. I believe my issue isn’t the issue of a hermit or loner, rather the characteristic nature of one who feels genuinely lonely. I didn’t always feel this way. There was a time when I felt complete harmony with another human. I do not believe happiness comes solely through interaction with another human being, rather it is the bane of loneliness. I am completely satisfied being alone, but I can not live happily in loneliness. Through this evolution I’ve learned a valuable lesson. I am an independent person. I enjoy controlling the outcome of my efforts. I like relying on myself. At the same time I enjoy sharing all of these thoughts openly with another person of similar concept. I have yet to find this person.
The pigeon in the Victoria Coach Bus Station is missing a foot.
The Man Steve McQueen
My poor girl…totalled…
I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, IT CAN’T BE HELPED.
— Frederick Perls
(Source: myfortyeight, via hotrodbizarre)
Feeling a bit like James Bond-Getting ready for the journey back to The States
I’ve been asked many times on my trip, “Why travel alone?”. The best argument I have is this: You are born into this world alone and you die alone, the only one you can’t escape is yourself, so you’d better be able to get along with that person.
Ace Cafe-London, England
Sunset and rainbow-Swansea, Wales (Taken with Instagram)
View from the hostel
Edinburgh Castle-Edinburgh, Scotland
London is growing on me. I can see myself palling around with the boys after a rugby game, or stopping off at the local pub and grabbing a few beers post-workday. What would I do here? What would I do anywhere, that is? I’ve been formally schooled in a trade, a trade, that’s it. I need to go back to school and learn more. More about the world and how it works. I need to study something that allows me to see the world. I want to be a world traveler but I’m not sure that occupation exists. At the same time, I’m sure it does.
Posted from out of my element-London, England